What’s every former fat girl’s worst nightmare? (Well, besides a worldwide donut shortage?) Yep. Gaining back all your weight, and dropping the ‘former’ in former fat girl.
2011 was a year of a lot of changes. New York is now letting the gays get married (huzzah!), we watched the last NASA shuttle take off (it’s a kind of a big deal around here), and we said goodbye to a Texas tradition, the A&M/UT game the day after Thanksgiving (again, it’s been a big deal around here). But for me, the biggest change I saw was the size of my ass. After keeping it off for over five years and through two pregnancies, I’ve managed to gain back 20 pounds of my initial and grueling 135 pound weight loss (The full story of how I got there coming soon). I never imagined year six would be the year of doom. Ok, I need a moment to freak out for a second.
Oh, the humanity!
AHHHHHH! TWENTY FUCKING gosh darn POUNDS!!!!
How did I let this happen, you ask? Well, to figure it out, I had to look back over the last year and examine the extensive data I’ve collected, and after a very scientific analysis, I came up with an equation that looks kinda like this:
{2 knee injuries + a growing sense of apathy and general laziness + my ass parked in a chair, writing, every spare second = not much exercising happening}
+
{no time to cook/grocery shop + frozen pizza + ice cream + eating out + my wino habit + a little more ice cream + more frozen pizza + oooooh! look! COOKIES!! = oh, no. I can’t button my pants}
So, what’s ahead for me in 2012? Besides new pants? Well, in the spirit the new year (and cliches), I’ve made a resolution. I’m gonna lose this twenty pounds, but without going on any crazy diets or running a marathon. I’m not expecting to drop this weight quickly. In fact, I’d rather not. I’m going to do this by going back to the basics. Over this long journey of mine, I’ve discovered that there are no shortcuts, and no magic pills. You just have to put down the donuts and move your ass.
I’ll be counting on all of you to keep me accountable. Every Monday, I’ll weigh in and post about my progress on the blog. No bullshit. If I screw up, I’ll have to fess up. Which is likely to happen a bit.
What are your resolutions? Resolving to lose weight? Quit smoking (You really should. I mean, ew.)? Not to kill your husband? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section. Look for another post from me soon! Cheers to a great 2012!
