But I’ve also noticed something rather disturbing. Something that made me shrug the first time I noticed it. But it kept popping up, and it kept getting more unsettling. It had me shaking my head, wondering if I was looking at magazine clippings taped to the refrigerator at a sorority house full of anorexics. Even more disturbing? The authors of a lot of these boards are young. Like, really young.

I’m talking about Thinspo. Short for Thinspiration. Now, don’t get me wrong, some of the people that are pinning these Thinspo pics are posting things like workout tips, lists of the healthiest vegtables and fruits, or inspirational quotes about perseverance. All good things, especially for someone who wants to make a change in their life to be healthy. But the majority of what I see are pictures of other women, of a goal to reach. I want to look like this person! I want to have abs like this! Which isn’t a totally bad thing, unless the pictures you’re admiring look like this:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being naturally thin. I think you should embrace your body type, and work hard to stay healthy. As someone who loves to promote a healthy body image, I find the fact that these images are what these girls are striving for, heartbreaking. I read a quote on a board that said, “Don’t stop until you’re proud.” Seems like a good sentiment, but when your goal is to have all your ribs showing, there’s a problem.

Here are a more articles about the Thinspo boards at meetsobsession.com and Jezebel.

This is nothing new, just a new place to put it publicly. Proof that the fight to teach girls to love themselves and their bodies is never over. What are your thoughts?

Because. We’ve set ourselves up for failure.

We say, “I’m going to lose twenty pounds in two months!” when we’ve been hitting the drive-thru five nights a week for the last six months. We say, “I’m going to exercise everyday!” when we haven’t seen the inside of a gym in years. Or we commit ourselves to a crazy fad diet, vowing to cut out entire food groups. Lifestyle changes don’t happen overnight. It’s silly of us to expect them to, but year after year, we do this to ourselves. Worse than that, when we fail, we beat ourselves up over it. As if it’s your own fault for not being able to change your whole life overnight!

I started out setting two simple goals for myself, but as I started to see success, I got a little too excited. My number one goal was to get back to exercise. My other goal was to eat healthy. Not in a diety kind of way, or a “I’m not gonna eat carbs ‘til I’m a size two” kind of way. Just a reasonable, low calorie diet that still includes the foods I love. Except, as the weeks went by, I started telling myself to do more. Here’s a sample conversation with myself:

Crazy Me: “What are you doing, lazy ass? TV is for fat people. GET UP!”

Reasonable Me: “But, I’m tired. Plus, I’ve already worked out four times this week and my knee is a little sore–”

Crazy Me: “Stop being a loser!”

Another sample conversation with myself:

Crazy Me: “Chinese food?? You’re seriously ordering Chinese food? WTF is wrong with you?”

Reasonable Me: “I didn’t have time to get to the store so I could make dinner. And I hate dragging the kids to the grocery store. They yell at me to get the gigantic “racecar” cart even though it’s impossible to steer, and then pull each other’s hair while some old lady tells me to cherish these precious moments and I resist the urge to punch her in throat. Besides, I’m not ordering the fried stuff–”

Crazy Me: “PUT THE FORK DOWN, FATTY!”

So…when Crazy Me yells at me, I get mad…and I get even.

Used To Be Reasonable Me: “Oh, yeah, Crazy Me? F*ck off. And watch me eat all these egg rolls. Mmmmm…they’re soooo good. You like that, Crazy Me? Huh? Here, have one…”

We can all relate, right? (No? What’s that you say? I should be locked up in the looney bin?) Well, now I’m trying to get back to the land of Reasonable Me, and remember my initial goals. My nice, simple, easy to stick to goals.

1. Cook a healthy meal (with enough for leftovers) three nights a week. And stop feeling like I have to cook an elaborate Biggest-Loser-worthy meal every night. Don’t make it too hard. Just keep the meals simple. And when I eat out, look for reasonable options (hint: steering clear of the words “deep fried” should work wonders.)

2. Work out 3-5 times a week, and DO NOT let Crazy Me take over, otherwise I’ll get overwhelmed and burned out. Because, hey…working out is supposed to be fun! And it is!

I know, I know. Some of you are sneering at me right now. “Um, Sharon…I’d rather chew off my own arm than go to the gym.” Here’s what made the biggest difference for me: finding a program that I could actually enjoy. If you like music, find a dance based program. If you like sports, get a group together and play basketball or volleyball. And if (for some reason I will never understand) you like running, find a group of friends you can go with or make a killer playlist. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. And keep it fun!

So that’s what I’m trying to do from here on out. Take the pressure off of myself. I may not lose twenty pounds in two months, but I’ll be more likely to keep this up all year. If I can do that, I just might reach that weight loss goal, instead of beating myself up for failing. Sounds better, doesn’t it? Wish me luck. (And, again, please don’t call the looney bin to come pick me up until AFTER I finish writing my new novel. Thanks.)

Then, after I implement all those wonderful ideas, it seems like, YES! Finally! My brain can take a break! Come up for air! Take a shower! Feed my kids something other than frozen pizza! Remember what my husband looks like!

NO! Brain shouts, and slaps me around a little for being so naïve. (It’s quite violent, my brain)You may not stop! You must go and write down this whole new idea I have given you! And the vicious cycle begins again. Which would explain why I’m writing this on Thursday, and not Monday as usual. The New Story Monster has taken over my brain, and no matter how hard I try, he won’t let me escape from his blood-thirsty jaws.

The craziest thing about it?

I LIKE IT!

This is my favorite part of the writing process. The part where you can’t remember whether or not you fed the dog because all you can think about are the characters in your head. The part where you wake up at four in the morning, grab the notebook off your nightstand, scribble down something completely illegible, and roll around for an hour trying to go back to sleep. It’s insane and exhausting, but I love it. It’s how I know I’ve got something worth writing about.

So…that’s where I’ve been this week. Now that you all know exactly how crazy I am, (please hold off on sending me to the asylum until AFTER I finish my rough draft, please) onto my weekly business of sharing way too much personal info with all of you.

My progress last week: -2 pounds (as of Monday)

My total progress: -11 pounds

Woohoo! I’ve passed the halfway mark! 11 pounds in 6 weeks…I am filing this under, “Hey, not bad.” I’ve also decided that I hate weighing in on Mondays, so gonna get CrAzY and switch it to Friday. That way I can eat in peace over the weekend and still have five days to work it off.

And now? MORE COFFEE! The New Story Monster woke me up at 4 am (not to be confused with the other two monsters that live with me and were birthed of my loins).

My progress so far: -9

HUZZAH! Finally, a little movement in the right direction!

The biggest difference this week was exercise. Not only did I workout five times this week, but I really focused on strength training. So many women think that they don’t need to gain muscle, or that they shouldn’t. This couldn’t be more false! Lifting weights has a ton of advantages, and we should all be doing it. It isn’t just for dudes! It increases your lean muscle mass, which in turn boosts metabolism and burns calories. The stronger you are, the more you’ll be burning calories while you’re just sitting on your ass. How awesome does that sound? It also improves your quality of sleep, can help with back pain, and protects you from horrible stuff like osteoporosis.

Don’t believe me? My favorite magazine has some enlightening articles in the subject:

Women’s Health – The Best Strength Training for Women

Women’s Health – Fitness Face Off, Cardio vs. Strength

Exhibit A: My ass. It shrunk a good inch or two this week. And I swear it feels less jiggly. NO JOKE. My pants are fitting better, and it’s because I’ve been focusing on getting stronger. I challenge you to do the same! (Even if its just squeezing your butt cheeks together at red lights. Because, hey…why not?)

Total progress: -7

There were a couple reasons why this wasn’t the best week for me:

1. Something that can be summed up with three letters, and they don’t stand for Pardon My Sweatpants.

2. The classic excuse we all use, I didn’t have time.

I call it an excuse because that’s exactly what it is. Yes, I was busy, but was I really too busy to find 30 minutes in my day SOMEWHERE to get some exercise? No. My regular schedule got turned upside down, and I used it as an excuse. “Oh, I can’t go today…I have to be at this meeting.” Well, I couldn’t go in the morning as usual, but if I had made it a priority, I would have just gone at another time instead. So I only worked out twice this week; my goal is 4-5 times a week.

And also, we all know that keeping good food around the house keeps us from turning to convenience food. Well, I told my myself that I didn’t have time to grocery shop this week. Turns out, that’s not really a valid excuse for me anymore. I just found out that a local grocery store will let me shop for my groceries online and deliver them for a $10.00 fee. (For my Houston peeps, I’m talking about Rice Epicurean Market. They deliver to more zip codes than you think. Details here.)

So, NO MORE EXCUSES! I just have to MAKE the time instead of trying to FIND the time. Because we all know how that works. “Oh, I’ll write that novel when I find the time.” If I had done that, I would still be going around telling people, “Yeah, I want to write someday,” instead of actually doing it.

Oh, and also…this:

The "Boise" from The Burger Guys in Houston

Yeah…that’s a sausage hot dog, wrapped in potato strings, deep fried, on a bun, with onion-bacon jam. I only had three bites, and hubby devoured the rest, but still. That couldn’t have helped things much. It was really pretty, though.

Total: -8

Okay, so you know when, on The Biggest Loser, somebody gets on the scale and only loses a pound, and Bob Harper gets this WTF look on his face, and the contestant starts to cry, “I don’t understand! I worked so hard this week!” and everyone agrees it’s just one of those inexplicable phenomenons of the human body?

Yeah…that’s not what happened this week. I know exactly what happened.

THIS:

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, BITCHES!

AND THIS:

That's me finishing off a cheesecake milkshake.

I had an amazing birthday with friends. We went for beer and Greek food, then topped it off with dessert and cocktails. WORTH IT!

Old school photo booth at Katz's. We crammed 5 grown women in there! That's me in the last one, trying to eat my friend's head.

Then, the only thing that could have made my birthday any better happened the next day. I got to meet my Author Crush, John Green!!

It's JOHN GREEN! And (surprise!) I'm making a stupid face.

I got all fan-girly and said something stupid, but he and his brother Hank were SO nice. If you’re not familiar, I suggest you GET familiar. His new book, The Fault in Our Stars debuted on the NYT bestseller list for children’s this week. The book is amazing and filled with humor, irony, and emotion so honest, it makes you feel like you’re naked (no vampires, Mom)*. You guys all know how much I love young adult lit, and this guy is THE BEST there is. He and his brother also make hilarious vlogs. Check out their YouTube channel vlogbrothers.

So, all in all, even though I’m only down a pound (hey, it’s better than nothing!) it was a great week. Now it’s back to work!

* every time I suggest a YA book to my mother, her response is, “I don’t really like all that vampire stuff.” And then I shake her violently.

Deborah Camp (A mix of contemporary and Old West Historical romances)

Dan Streib (thrillers with a James-Bond-meets-Anderson-Cooper main character)

Lorena Dureau (Historical Romance: American Colonial South and West. Very Sexy)

Happy Reading, y’all!

Me: I used to be fat.

Them: Yeah, right.

Me: No. Really. I was huge.

Them: Oh, whatever. You’re not fat.

Me: *takes out iPhone and shows them a picture*

Them: Oh. Yeah, you were.

Me: See? I told you.

Then they start with the slew of questions. How did you do it? How long did it take? Did you ever try South Beach? Did you swallow a tape worm? But the answer is never simple, and I usually leave out some parts for brevity’s sake. So, I thought I’d give everyone the whole story here on this nifty little soap box I’ve built for myself. How convenient. So, how did I get from there to here?

The Before and After

The build up:

It all starts with a boy. Naturally. My senior year of high school, I had this boyfriend. I, of course, wanted to spend every waking moment with him, so I quit all my extra curriculars and spent all my time with him. Of course, there’s more to the story than that…mostly it was that whole senioritis thing. I had it bad. I sustained myself on pizza and Cheetos just like I’d been doing before that. I was never a thin girl, and had a natural tendency to put on weight, so by quitting everything that was keeping me active (I was an athletic trainer and I rode horses) I started gaining weight pretty quickly. By prom, I had gained about twenty pounds. This amazing boyfriend turned out to be my amazing husband, so of course, it was all worth it. The same life-style continued through college and dining halls and pizza at 1 a.m. and half a case of beer per night (What? You never did that?). I was blissfully unaware that I was gaining about thirty pounds a semester. Yes, I said semester. I got fatter and fatter until I walked down the aisle in a size 24 wedding dress.

On my horse, Dezi

In the training room, junior year. I like making stupid faces.

Summer before senior year. I think I'm hilarious.

Senior prom with my amazing boyfriend/future husband

Sophomore year of college. Best speeding ticket, ever.

I'm touching Hank Aaron's ass. Again, I think I'm hilarious.

There's something really important on the ground over there.

The ah-ha moment:

In August of 2005, my friend Elizabeth asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was thrilled to do it for her, as she was one of my best friends (and still is to this day. Shout out to Liz!) The wedding was a blast, and my friends, being as wonderful as they are, told me I looked beautiful in my dress. I didn’t exactly feel beautiful, but I was good at faking it. A few weeks later, we were sitting around in her parent’s living room, watching the video of the ceremony. I leaned in closer to the TV, trying to figure out, Who is that fat girl waddling down the aisle? Yes, waddling. I didn’t even recognize myself. The next day I called 24 hour fitness and got myself a personal trainer. A big dude named Todd who used to be a football player. He was nice and helpful, and I lost a few pounds, but with over 100 to lose, I was feeling discouraged. Then I hurt my knee and gained it all back. A few try/fail attempts at other diets were made…nothing stuck.

Guess which one is me?

Quick! Hide behind the cute little flower girl!

The start of something new:

After a three-hour long breakdown on the bathroom floor (which may or may not have involved me being slightly intoxicated), I decided to call and get more information on weight loss surgery. I went to a seminar and met the doctor and left feeling empowered. I decided that I wanted to get the Lap-Band. My insurance didn’t cover it, so we took out a loan, and made a very expensive investment into my future. I told my close friends and family about it, but it’s not the kind of thing you go around advertising. I also think I was ashamed that I had let myself get big enough to need the surgery in the first place. It’s still not information I give out upon first meeting someone (Hi, I‘m Sharon. I have a Lap-Band – not exactly small talk), but I figured if I was going to write about my journey, I needed to get over that trepidation. Also, things like that tend to define you, and I didn’t want to be known as The Lap-Band Girl.

At first, the Lap-band was like a miracle. I lost about 50 pounds over the next six months. I wasn’t really watching what I was eating, except for sticking to the teeny portions that my stomach could handle (not the case anymore, six years later), and I was not exercising at all. I thought it was a dream come true. Finally, an easy way to lose weight…right? *Just a disclaimer about the Lap-Band: I don’t want to seem like I’m endorsing or promoting. It was a decision that took me a long time to make, and sometimes, even though it helped me, I’m still not sure if it was the right one. It’s only a tool for you to use, not a cure. More on that later.*

Hiccup:

Then we decided to have a baby. My pregnancy with my first child was fine for the most part, other than being sick all the time, but that’s normal. Right? I gained the usual twenty-five pounds, gave birth, and then promptly lost that twenty-five pounds. I went back to the clinic to have my band re-tightened and expected the rest of the weight to come pouring off. I waited, and waited. I waited for seven months, and lost no weight. What happened to my miracle cure? That’s when I decided to take it into my own hands.

Leaving the hospital with my first baby.

A new era:

I got my fat ass up and went to Jazzercise. It was actually fun. Before I knew it, I was hooked. I, the girl who used to eat everything in sight, was now a fitness junkie. I practically lived there. Then I started working there. That place changed my life. I can’t say enough about it, so to make myself shut-up, I’ll just say this: If you’re still looking for a fitness program, give it a try.

The next thing I did was take control of my eating habits. I read this book and followed its teachings like a bible, and I used Weight Watchers online to meticulously track all of the food I ate. I lost 85 pounds over a year doing this.

Winning By Losing by Jillian Michaels

Baby's 1st birthday

"You can't spell awesome without me." Pretty much my motto.

She was 15 months old here, and I was finally at my goal weight!

Another Hiccup:

What better time to have another baby than when I’m finally at my goal weight? This pregnancy went a millions times better than the first. I felt good this time (you know, besides that whole constant aches and pains thing). I felt good enough to eat my weight in food everyday. I gained a bunch of weight with that little booger (70 pounds!! But, who’s counting?) and had to do it all over again.

8 months pregnant with #2

Baby #1 turns 2 years old. Mmmmm...cake!

Big mama.

It took me a good year to lose my weight from #2, but I did it! And check out this amazing man standing by my side the entire time! I couldn’t have done it without him! (Shout out to my hubby! Love you!)

Look! I'm wearing those shorts again!

Finally here! And no more babies to throw me off! I'm gonna stay this thin forever and it's gonna be great!

See, not such a simple story, is it? But, then again, whose is? I wish this was the part where I could say THE END, but, alas, it is not. Keeping weight off is almost as much of a struggle as losing it in the first place, and it turns out that I wasn’t so awesome at it. Now, I’m busy trying to lose the 20 pounds I’ve put back on since that beautiful picture was taken. More on that here.

The kids are 4 and 2 now!

This experience has shaped me so much, that when I sat down to write a novel, it all came pouring out of me. No end to this story…just a guarantee that I’ll still be writing it for the rest of my life, while I try to make the healthiest choices I can. Within limits, of course. You can pry the ice cream out of my cold, dead hands bitches!

Chicken Pot Pie Soup from skinnytaste.com

You can find the recipe here on skinnytaste.com. It’s super simple. I left out the green beans (because I’m five years old), mushrooms (allergic), and used lactose free milk (intolerant. To lactose, not people. I love people. Well…that was awkward.)

I love soup because you can eat the leftovers for days and it still tastes good. Now, if only it wasn’t, like, eighty degrees right now in the freaking middle of January….

Total: -7

Not bad for two weeks! I thought my results would have slowed down a little after the first week, but I thought wrong, I guess! This week, I tried to focus on how much I was eating. I tend to over eat. You know…just sit and nibble at whatever’s on your plate, even though you were already full? I paid attention to the amount I put on my plate, and even more than that, what my stomach was saying to me.

I still had my nightly chocolate fix (Dove dark chocolate with almonds. It’s my novel-writing fuel), and I still ate out this week. I had a burrito bowl at Freebirds (YUM!) and the Pad Thai at Pei Wei (sooooo good). Turns out one order of Pad Thai can feed two people for lunch AND dinner. Score.

Here’s a reminder of typical portion guidelines:

• Vegetables or fruit is about the size of your fist.
• Pasta is about the size of one scoop of ice cream.
• Meat, fish, or poultry is the size of a deck of cards or the size of your palm (minus the fingers).
• Snacks such as pretzels and chips is about the size of a cupped handful.
• Steamed rice is the size of a cupcake wrapper.
• Cheese is the size of a pair of dice or the size of your whole thumb (from the tip to the base).
• And MOST IMPORTANTLY: They consider a serving of wine to be four ounces! (I know, right?) I don’t know who pours themselves a 4 oz glass of wine, so ya’ better watch this one!

Good luck to all of you doing this with me! Let me know how it’s going for you in the comments section. Remember, brutal honesty to the point of embarrassment is my motto, so ask me anything!